| 🏳️🌈 Disaster Gay 🏳️🌈 |
Don't be afraid to message/ineract with me! I welcome conversation! If you are too shy just comment on any of my posts a little "hi" or something and I will message you first :3 I too am shy and afraid that I'm bothering someone but if you see that I'm posting something of interest to you and wanna chat about it then come talk to me.
Considering the amount of things I have to post I think I will go back to two posts a day. Queue currently has 50 days worth of shit so when that runs out then be prepared for shitposting twice a day! I have some funny (well I find them funny) videos along with more screenshots.
#text post #jo speaks #update #I live! #I've been so busy with school I haven't been on since my last update #y'all probably won't hear from me again until mid December-ish #if all goes well I will be graduating CEGEP by December then getting a job at Canadian Tire! #pray for me plz #I need all the help and luck I can get to make it through French and Philosophy #T_T1 note
I had just a nice sleep!
I probably slept for 20 minutes last night -_- maybe not even. I think I had a microsleep. Idk I just know I barely slept. I think it might have been a microsleep because it didn't feel long. It was like I passed out for two seconds.
Insomnia was like "no sleep for u bitch".
This is why I sleep for like ten hours when I can. I cherish the times I can sleep but tonight was not one of those times.
I have a full day of classes today.
I am also just letting my queue run out I think there's a month left of shit there then I'll manually post. I have like a year worth of screenshots and some funny videos lmao
The itchy phase of healing has begun...
Normally it's hard to resist scratching a scab for me but I nearly fainted because of this gash so that's what has been keeping me from picking it. I don't want blood to gush out again...
IT.... ITCHES! AHHH!
I put some disinfectant/antibiotic cream or whatever and felt the damage. It feels intense but only because I'm feeling with one finger. I can't see it so idk but according to my friend it isn't that nasty. I think the scabbing makes it worse than it is.
Still gross and itches like a bitch but I won't pick at it. I need this bitch to heal. I'm not gonna put a band-aid on tonight (lol its 4:40 am as I write this) to let it air out and drain any potential bacteria. I don't wanna trap anything under a band-aid. It's not bleeding that much or at all really so it should be fine.
It did bleed when I tried eating a muffin earlier. I'm not ready for solid foods just yet. More smoothies for me lol
Okay well I can have pizza because its easy to eat out of the corner of my mouth but even that's still risky. I should really stick to sauces and smoothies rn.
But pizza so tasty! T_T
So I've made the decision to not go to university.
I want to be an author and as far as the research goes, you don't need any sort of degree to get published. All sites I've read say that publishers don't look for degrees but whether or not you have any spelling errors and how good your story content is. They think about if it will sell and fits with their standards I guess, like if it's like other things they have published and if all is good they will publish it.
The only reason you'd want to go to university is if you want to work for a magazine or newspaper I guess. They are a company so they are looking for qualifications but that's not what I want to do so I don't care about that.
I agree that it would be good to go to university to study other genres but eh. I don't necessarily need that to get published. Every site I looked at said you need to read and write for practice which is what I already do.
My plan is to finish up CEGEP then get a job. When I'm not working I'll work on my writing and read more to improve my skill. In between that I'll work on my stories to get them ready for publication.
The thing is, my parents, mainly my dad will be super pissed off with this plan. They want me to go to university because they believe it's the best route to get a job. According to my research that's not true. I believe my cousin who wants to get published did go to university but he's doing other things along with writing novels. I'll probably consult him about this but I feel like university is not for me.
In literally every other province CEGEP is just equivalent to grades 12 & 13 of high school but it is a college. It's in between high school and university. So it's not like I will have JUST a high school deploma. I'll have two which is better than one or none in my mind.
Has anyone not gone to university right from Hugh school? What was it like for you? Do you plan on going to university or are you focusing on your job? I'm curious. I feel like this is the best route for me. If I don't need university to get published then I don't see the point in it. I want to get started on
1. Actually getting a real job, something I've never had
2. Getting to work on my stories in hopes of getting published.
I don't care how pissed off my dad will be. I really want control over my own life for once. I am 21 for fucks sake. It's time I take control, don't you think? I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing. I've been thinking about this since high school. Ever since then I've felt like university is not for me.
I know if I get stitches then the cut will heal faster but I'm so afraid of needles that I really don't wanna go. I'm sure they'd inject me with numbing shit and I CANNOT do that. I struggle to give myself an injection weekly which is what I've been doing for like 2 years now ish. Idk maybe closer to 3.
I. Hate. Needles. So. Fucking. Much.
Why am I like this? T_T
I don't care that it will take forever to heal since its right on my lip. I can deal with the leaking blood. I rather that then hospital. The only way I'm going is if my mom drags my ass there. I'd go if I think I broke something OBVIOUSLY but this is different. Needles will most likely be involved.
I don't wanna.
They'd have to put me out it's that bad. I don't wanna be awake if my face is getting stitched. They'd need to knock me out just to inject me with numbing shit. I know that if I'm out there is no need I'm just saying that's how bad it is for me.
How long will it take for a significant sized cut on my lip to stop bleeding? I haven't checked how big it is so I don't know the extent of the damage. I can't really judge with the amount of blood since the face loves to bleed. I had a small cut on my face before that bled a lot so idk but this new one is on my lip. I'm trying so hard to keep still to allow it to heal.
I'm still literally drinking blood although it's now more of a sip. Gross, ik. I nearly threw up and fainted earlier.
"After this tedious explanation, which I hope, in view of the extraordinary interest of the conception of force, may not have exhausted the reader's patience, [..]" - How to Make Our Ideas Clear by Charles Sanders Peirce
It has. It most definitely has. Along with this whole ass article. I HATE philosophy but it's the only class that fit in my schedule and if I pass (along with English Exit Exam) then I graduate CEGEP. I just need to put up with it for uh 13 more weeks I think.
I still wanna die tho. Philosophy and Maths are not for me. My brain cannot cope with this shit.
Since Ticci Toby (and Clockwork) are no longer in the CreepyPasta fandom, I needed a new bf for my CreepyPasta Lou. This all turned out great because now I have two OC CreepyPastas. The only issue I have is his weapon.
I can't remember the genetic condition Toby has off the top of my head but it's the one where he was born with the inability to feel pain and I think heat too if I remember correctly. That's the only thing I will keep because my story won't make sense without it and I don't see how I can write it differently. Other than that, this new character is different. I mean, he's chaotic like Toby but that's how I've seen the fandom represent him. I'm not sure if he's actually supposed to be that chaotic or not.
As for the weapon, I was thinking of giving this dude a giant hammer which he uses to straight up smash the heads in of his victims which makes Slenderman sigh. (F in chat for the boss, having to put up with that choas lol). Does that sound like a good idea?
I've been feeling like shit lately so I am watching Venom (2018) again. It's my comfort film. Well, one of many but the one I want to watch right now. I am sort of distancing myself from everyone in my life right now because mentally I feel horrible and worthless and just like a pile of shit.
Depression is a bitch.
It makes me not want to do anything other than sleep and cry.
posts: create diverse characters for god's sake! not everyone has to be white!
also posts: only make a diverse character if their race actually matters for the plot and makes a point, otherwise stick to describing issues similar to yours
If you want to write diverse characters then go ahead! The issue I find tho is making sure you write their culture accurately so that requires research. It's already time consuming for me since I'm juggling three cultures.
French I already know but Québec French, not France French but it's a start I guess.
Also I don't get the "make a diverse character if it matters for your story"? If you want someone other than white then go for it? I'm sure your readers would appreciate it, especially if your character is the same race as them.
I, a bi trans ace appreciate when a character isn't straight so I assume it's the same for people of colour seeing other people of colour in media. I mean, I'm Latino but I personally never cared to see another Mexican because I don't relate to the culture at all. I appreciate seeing Caribbean characters because it's how I grew up.
I haven't done any racially diverse characters just for the sake of research taking too much time. I already have too much research to do so I stick with what I know but maybe one day. I'm considering giving a character a black gf. I love black culture and my uncle is a black Caribbean man. I love him so much. Writing a black Caribbean character would be easy for me but anything else, I wish I could but I can't. Along with research for cultures relating to my stories I also need to do scientific research but if you're up to it, go ahead.
If done accurately no one will be mad at you for making diverse characters. If anything, I'm sure they might appreciate it. White, cishets have dominated the media for so long. It's time for a change for others to see their race and culture represented.
Ugh. I didn't want to but I think I need to call my bank. I sent a message online to support and it says they will answer in 24 hours but that has passed and still no news. I hate phone calls but I need this issue fixed.
For some reason my card gets declined despite no reason I can think of for it happening. It hasn't reached the expiry date and there hasn't been any suspicious activity in my transactions. Like, wtf. Why ?
What other reason could there be for this? I'm confused and anxious because I NEED to buy school shit since the semester already started.
Pray for me. I'm so anxious with phone calls. Rip me.
Edit: Well nevermind. I am able to buy shit again. Idk WHAT was going on but it works now. Oh thank GOD!
WHY!? This is my school's bookstore site! I CAN BUY SHIT BUT NOT HERE?! Guess I'll wait until my mom comes back then pay her back. Sigh.
Composing music while listening to my online class lmao
"listening". It's the first class. No big deal. I really wanted to play the piano but I injured two fingers so it's a challenge 😂
Being a writer is hard dudes...
I am finally working out the timeline and adjusting it as needed. UGH.
Why did I add another character who still doesn't have a name?! If I left her out then I wouldn't need to re-work things but I fell in love with her so she had to go in my story. T_T
He won't try to talk on the trans issue with me or mom. Like, at all. He wants nothing to do with it. Like I said to a friend, it's like he thinks that if he ignores it then it will go away.
New flash dickhead: it won't.
I've showed signs of being trans since I was like five.
Here is a list of reasons that are in no particular order. It's whatever came to mind first.
I HATED skirts of any kind. Even the skirt/shorts. Skorts my mom called them.
Never had any interest in makeup.
Not much interest in doing my hair. Both changed now that I'm more comfortable in my body.
Never wanted to get pregnant. Ever. Still haven't changed. Argued with family about this.
I always HATED my given name. I HATED it so much. I wanted everyone to use my nickname of 'Em' and funny thing, when I came out my dad stopped the nickname and started using my full name more. Interesting...
I always felt uncomfortable with female pronouns and my given name. Both given names. The one the orphanage gave me was Lupita. Cute but no.
I never liked the colour pink. Of course, that has changed but when I was younger I was forced to wear pink shit until I had a say in my choice of clothes.
That also applies to dresses. I finally put my foot down and said no more dresses at age five or six!
That's all I can remember at the moment but I'm sure there were more signs. My mom wasn't that surprised when I came out and explained what being trans meant. She was like "oh that explains a lot".
Tbh I really want to destroy his reputation by revealing all this shit to the media because the uni will probably drop his ass like a hot rock but that's taking it too far I feel.
But if I move out maybe...
That is, if he still hasn't changed. Don't put this shit past me. I'm not above being an asshole for revenge.
He put me through this shit and it's had a major negative impact on me, especially my mental health. Don't test me bitch.
Sorry if it seems all I do is rant. There isn't a whole lot of positivity in my life right now. Like at all. The only positive interacts I really get are online, sadly. Mom is cool but meh dad aways walks in eventually.
I would write this in a journal but if it's on paper my dad will eventually find it and that's not a risk I want to take. Same thing for a journal app. At least here I can sign out. I guess I could lock a journal app but eh if it's on my phone and he suspects something he'll demand I unlock it. That's never happened but it could. On here I can log out and he'll never know. He doesn't know I have a waterfall account because he's not on social media and if he is, I don't know about it but he's an old man. He wouldn't use anything other than email and texting.
Basically here is the only place I feel safe enough unloading my stress. Sorry if it's annoying but you can always block the rant tag. And if I'm being honest, I'm not even talking about EVERYTHING. What I write is just what has really gotten to me but of course there is a lot more I could shit about here but I won't. I'm trying not to make this into a rant/personal life blog.
Watched Yukon Vet a few days ago with mom and Dr. Oakley was working on pigs and they SQUEALED and tried to get away from getting needles. It was funny. Mom and I laughed.
Non-farm people might think that the pigs were seriously injured but mom and I know they are just huge drama queens. They are like hognose snakes in that department 😂